how a 'LIFE' is 'REALLY' 'LIVED'

6-feb2015
Though I am still a student and yet in my 20's. But some day when I'd be a bit more older (suppose a decade later) then I would remember these moments which I want to share here in my diary.

This is not just a diary. But a sequence of legendary events that I am... better say we(me+mom) are going through and has shown the path that "how a LIFE is REALLY LIVED".
It is a severe chronicle that we are dwelling into. This is, as I would call, SUPERNATURAL.

I basically I am quite disheartened to find mom in such a situation which mom has been coerced into by her destiny.

Her marriage, then the days spent@KATRA.. then 19th January 2008... then Chotu cha+hemantcha+badi bua+DADI and then our lovely Umama.

I begin to fall apart when I retrospect these pillars and I remember when they were like heroes to me or better say ... were friends to me... whose news of visit @our home at katra used to fill me with eternal joy & excitement.
The moments that I have spent with hemcha and chocha and badi bua and dadi.

They were not just moments, but when I remember them not here @my hostel @NIT... turn out to be the golden moments of my life when we (as a family papa,mummy,chachas, cousin bhaiyas and all) used to cherish our days.

But...

What happened all of a sudden? Or what happened in a list of the "so called" years... and why did it happen.?

I think it's foolish of me to ask that question... "why" 'coz

*first of all there is no answer to this why,
*and even if there is-- there is no one to give the answer,
*or even if there is someone -- they dont want to give the answer,

 so it will only lead me into getting diverged from the track which I am walking onto NOW@NIT.

It is DO or DIE situation for me.

Okay, in the contemporary scenario :
I am in 4th semester and my placements are upcoming into the next sem. I am doing all my best in order to assure of getting a job.
The thing is that its no more just a job for me, but the current situation of my life has taken such a turn which is telling me that there is just NO life left out of NIT which could be led without a job. And it is no pompous show of writing.. it is,be it bitter/or not, the concrete truth.
And I think that I am playing my role the way I should.

But along with me in this strive for existence I am not alone. My mummy has also got to strive and face all the brutality of life.
I just want to state her state of mind and status of living in today's date so that I do not forget all these things after 10-15 years...

She is in a horrific state.
Her only hope of living is only one thing and that is me.
She calls me each & everyday just to know that I am fine or not and that is the only way she could go to bed to sleep with ease.
I must say that my mom is a great person and definitely a strong lady that having faced such and so many tortures of life is still hard and bound to face anything in the only hope that some day her son would be up and standing and would become an adult person with whom she could live with dignity.

And that desire is my MOTIVATION.
And this is the reason  I sometimes become so much nervous that there are so many expectations from me that getting out of NIT without a job is as good as committing a suicide.

Oh god please nourish us with any upcoming challenges and keep my good spirit always up and over my bad conscience as now, there is simply no family left over for me to look at..

Neither papa, nor my loving & caring Hemant cha, nor my serious Chhotu cha... or my sweet Umama.

Only my old & iron strong nana jee is my hope that keeps my mom up & running in this brutal world.