6months spent... yet feels... Initial days at NIT!!
1-Jan-2014
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This day was marked with my abrupt coming to NIT. My dear friend Tanweer escorted me till the railway station. Then we had to part.
I can't explain how I felt at that time and how much I wanted that if Tanweer could also come along with me. But NO. Finally the train rattled
onto it's path and I sat alone.
2-Jan-2014
I woke up this morning at my bed at NIT once again when my "so called" roomies banged the door to come in. ... Oh! I forgot to mention that I
spent the fortnight alone and merrily when no one was with me and I was alone.
They came and finally I got up from bed.
And now the life in semester2 commences.
The battle days have started, and I am all prepared for it.
Again I seek the same thing from God... i.e. courage, will power and determination.
I pray to you god... just that thing which I know that you surely know!
4-jan-14
A boy came to our room and started discussing with my roomie , Mohit, about going somewhere out for enjoyment... (civil lines or katra)...
and I was sitting in my bed as usual. Actually I don't want myself to go out somewhere or nothing like that sort of. But I only miss the essence
of friendship that I had with tanweer.
If he was here then perhaps we would have relished ourselves. Not by just outing somewhere, but by just staying together and discussing
about our studies.
The only thing which threatens and fears me is the aloneliness , which is yet persistent (in sem2 as well)... that whether I would be able to
do all things correctly.
Waise toh... I am quite confident and I kbow very well that I will shed my last drop of blood i preparing and studying all the things but I
cannot enjoy the things and proceedings here at NIT alone. If tanweer was here then all the days and nights would have been merry for both
of us. I don't know why didn't god let him be with me.
But since it's god's wish to let me in and let him out and to let us be apart then I will obey god's wish.
Just provide me courage god. !!
I gave my PD to shailendra and I wanted it back. When I tried to contact him, I found that he has already left for Patna along
with Kundan ,as 4-5 dys of holidays were still left. No big deal in it. And all fine. I have no prob in him going home.
But I had initially asked him for the same and he told me nothing. Here again I feel lack of a friend like Tanweer.
Had he been here then we would have together gone back to home.
The only thing which feels bad to me is that I am so alone that he didn't even asked me about this plan. After all, I made him his free
ticket based on my concession. Free ticket for both of them shailndra as well as kundan. And both of them parted as like that without
even letting me know about it at all.
This all feels really terrible when I see myself sitting all alone in my room without anyone. Both of my roomies have also gone partying
1 with his GF and the other to the market for shopping.
It's so cool and good to see them act like this but only when I also would have had a friend. I really feel desperate for a pal.
9 pm:
This day is getting too tough 4 me as I really feel alone. I have to and somehow mingle up with my friends around me in order to study
with proper efficiency. Because this is a place where without proper mingling with friends one cannot study with effectiveness as one has
to be properly sound with other's preparations and how much others are working. So for that sake I wanna talk with people here.
But here comes the trouble, the more I want to talk with others the more prone I become for being made fun of. I am just not immune as
I don't have any1 who can be with me on my side. Rest all others unite and make fun of me whenever they want to. I don't know if it is coward
of me to state such things about me here. But since there is none whom I can say all these feelings thus I am left with the only option to
quote it down here in my laptop.
I have really really got nothing to do right now and thus life seems to be stuck at this very moment. Every one went downstairs at the mess
every single person. But they all went with a group of friends. Their own group. But me... I am forced every now and then to do all things whether
eating , studying ... all alone.
Its the instance of this very evening that firstly I was alone in my room when my roomies went to the market Mc Donald's and the
mall or wherevr... and then at dinner time... I went down at the mess alone. There I didn't enjoy the food since I was forced to eat it alone.
But all good. I am ready to face it and face even graver difficulties as long as I am able to mark my presence here at NIT. No problem.
God just bless me with good potential to face the sem2 exam with complete courage. Rest I will bear.
The reason that I am mentining this aloneliness, no friend and all is that.... because of this reason I am not able to do even the small and easy
things , which earlier I used to do and perform with so much ease, properly. Every now and then there is a sense of insecurity and
discomfort just because I am bound to take every breadth as a duty ; and not as a spirit of life. I am feeling like a slave and feeling that
someoe has got hold of my neck every time and I am not able to breathe freely due to anxiousness and uncomfort and fear that would
I be able to do good. Because this phase of my life is perhaps the final one regarding my academic profile and is damn too crucial as well
for me to get a job for which we(me and mom) are praying for such long as eternity that every day passed feels like the accomplihment of
a battle. Amidst this all it is very necessary that a sense of surity comes to my mind that I will surely be able to get the desired job. Aand i
have also done good in first sem. But yet as ... not even the sem2 has started and I have just came back to the hostel... and anxiety has embraced
me. And the worst of all... there is simply NO ONE! to whom I could even express my troubles or simply state them. Had papa been here
I would have told him all about here and he wud surely have supplied with some solution. But fate is such cruel that neither papa is here
nor chhotu ch or anyone even calls me. Only mom calls me to whom I cannot say a thing as she is bearing more than me since forever.
I try to tell and talk with any person any student in the college or the hostel... even down at the mess, today a couple of B.tech studs were eating
and talking together. I thought that how lucky they are that they are able to enjoy their days at NIT. And me ... even having fetched good marks
in sem1 but yet since I have no one to talk with I am not even able to breathe properly. I mean why is it all happening.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This day was marked with my abrupt coming to NIT. My dear friend Tanweer escorted me till the railway station. Then we had to part.
I can't explain how I felt at that time and how much I wanted that if Tanweer could also come along with me. But NO. Finally the train rattled
onto it's path and I sat alone.
2-Jan-2014
I woke up this morning at my bed at NIT once again when my "so called" roomies banged the door to come in. ... Oh! I forgot to mention that I
spent the fortnight alone and merrily when no one was with me and I was alone.
They came and finally I got up from bed.
And now the life in semester2 commences.
The battle days have started, and I am all prepared for it.
Again I seek the same thing from God... i.e. courage, will power and determination.
I pray to you god... just that thing which I know that you surely know!
4-jan-14
A boy came to our room and started discussing with my roomie , Mohit, about going somewhere out for enjoyment... (civil lines or katra)...
and I was sitting in my bed as usual. Actually I don't want myself to go out somewhere or nothing like that sort of. But I only miss the essence
of friendship that I had with tanweer.
If he was here then perhaps we would have relished ourselves. Not by just outing somewhere, but by just staying together and discussing
about our studies.
The only thing which threatens and fears me is the aloneliness , which is yet persistent (in sem2 as well)... that whether I would be able to
do all things correctly.
Waise toh... I am quite confident and I kbow very well that I will shed my last drop of blood i preparing and studying all the things but I
cannot enjoy the things and proceedings here at NIT alone. If tanweer was here then all the days and nights would have been merry for both
of us. I don't know why didn't god let him be with me.
But since it's god's wish to let me in and let him out and to let us be apart then I will obey god's wish.
Just provide me courage god. !!
I gave my PD to shailendra and I wanted it back. When I tried to contact him, I found that he has already left for Patna along
with Kundan ,as 4-5 dys of holidays were still left. No big deal in it. And all fine. I have no prob in him going home.
But I had initially asked him for the same and he told me nothing. Here again I feel lack of a friend like Tanweer.
Had he been here then we would have together gone back to home.
The only thing which feels bad to me is that I am so alone that he didn't even asked me about this plan. After all, I made him his free
ticket based on my concession. Free ticket for both of them shailndra as well as kundan. And both of them parted as like that without
even letting me know about it at all.
This all feels really terrible when I see myself sitting all alone in my room without anyone. Both of my roomies have also gone partying
1 with his GF and the other to the market for shopping.
It's so cool and good to see them act like this but only when I also would have had a friend. I really feel desperate for a pal.
9 pm:
This day is getting too tough 4 me as I really feel alone. I have to and somehow mingle up with my friends around me in order to study
with proper efficiency. Because this is a place where without proper mingling with friends one cannot study with effectiveness as one has
to be properly sound with other's preparations and how much others are working. So for that sake I wanna talk with people here.
But here comes the trouble, the more I want to talk with others the more prone I become for being made fun of. I am just not immune as
I don't have any1 who can be with me on my side. Rest all others unite and make fun of me whenever they want to. I don't know if it is coward
of me to state such things about me here. But since there is none whom I can say all these feelings thus I am left with the only option to
quote it down here in my laptop.
I have really really got nothing to do right now and thus life seems to be stuck at this very moment. Every one went downstairs at the mess
every single person. But they all went with a group of friends. Their own group. But me... I am forced every now and then to do all things whether
eating , studying ... all alone.
Its the instance of this very evening that firstly I was alone in my room when my roomies went to the market Mc Donald's and the
mall or wherevr... and then at dinner time... I went down at the mess alone. There I didn't enjoy the food since I was forced to eat it alone.
But all good. I am ready to face it and face even graver difficulties as long as I am able to mark my presence here at NIT. No problem.
God just bless me with good potential to face the sem2 exam with complete courage. Rest I will bear.
The reason that I am mentining this aloneliness, no friend and all is that.... because of this reason I am not able to do even the small and easy
things , which earlier I used to do and perform with so much ease, properly. Every now and then there is a sense of insecurity and
discomfort just because I am bound to take every breadth as a duty ; and not as a spirit of life. I am feeling like a slave and feeling that
someoe has got hold of my neck every time and I am not able to breathe freely due to anxiousness and uncomfort and fear that would
I be able to do good. Because this phase of my life is perhaps the final one regarding my academic profile and is damn too crucial as well
for me to get a job for which we(me and mom) are praying for such long as eternity that every day passed feels like the accomplihment of
a battle. Amidst this all it is very necessary that a sense of surity comes to my mind that I will surely be able to get the desired job. Aand i
have also done good in first sem. But yet as ... not even the sem2 has started and I have just came back to the hostel... and anxiety has embraced
me. And the worst of all... there is simply NO ONE! to whom I could even express my troubles or simply state them. Had papa been here
I would have told him all about here and he wud surely have supplied with some solution. But fate is such cruel that neither papa is here
nor chhotu ch or anyone even calls me. Only mom calls me to whom I cannot say a thing as she is bearing more than me since forever.
I try to tell and talk with any person any student in the college or the hostel... even down at the mess, today a couple of B.tech studs were eating
and talking together. I thought that how lucky they are that they are able to enjoy their days at NIT. And me ... even having fetched good marks
in sem1 but yet since I have no one to talk with I am not even able to breathe properly. I mean why is it all happening.
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