Paddling the Oars - FOL exam of First Semester

3-dec-2013
1:30 am
It's one more day spent here at NIT. Life is miserable without any selfness; friends are making fun of me right now onto my weak posture and the yellowish look that I have got of anaemia. It seems to be true that the problem of one is the fun for others. They just wanna throw silly and vulgar pranks at me and won't want me to study extra. The moment they feel that I'm doing something extra.. they grow anxious and I feel embarassed. But I can't do anything. Its life and I have to face it.

Today it was the FOL exam and I won't say that the paper went very good as sir set the toughest of papers of all times. And it has become difficult for the majority of us to even pass!
I don't know why god plays so harsh with me sometimes. I also told mom about my bad paper and incidentally all the family including Nana Ji and Gmama happened to be around and they got this message -- "exam acha nahi gaya" .
All I wanted to do at that time is just share my bad experience of the exam with mom to feel a bit better as I don't really have anyone to share my feelings with. And nana took the phone from mom and a wrong sense passed onto there and my image would have been harassed once again there at home. And ... ek baat baataaun... before the exam I was so much very excited that I would go home after the exam after giving the
exam very properly but the exam went in such a path that now I am feeling quite down and I don't really know that what would I do at home and how woould I face all of them there as they already have built a wrong impresison that I am not studying which is the most upsetting and actually a killing-feeling to me because there is only one thing that I am doing over here for excelling and that is study... but yet I had to face this day.
And now there is tomorrow's exam and i am really really looking forward for it and so now I am going once again to prepare for that stuff.
 But one thing is correct for sure that today's exam was a considerable deteoriation in my state of mind that is not letting me prepare the way I wanted to - in an earnest,happy and convincing way.

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